How do I know if we’re ready for couples therapy?

Couples therapy can be a powerful tool for healing and connection — but only when both partners are ready to engage with honesty, accountability, and emotional steadiness.

To reflect on your own readiness:

• Am I able to regulate my emotions in conflict, or do I still get overwhelmed or reactive?

• When I feel hurt or triggered, how do I tend to respond — and is that helping or harming the relationship?

• Can I stay emotionally present in hard conversations, without shutting down or lashing out?

• What personal healing or growth work is still mine to do before I can fully show up in this relationship?

• What patterns do I keep repeating — and am I ready to shift them?

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​To consider the impact on your relationship and family:

• Is trying to do couples therapy helping us move forward — or making things harder?

• What do our children or loved ones need most from us right now?

• Are we both able to take responsibility for our part, or are we stuck in blame?

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To clarify your hopes and next steps:

• What kind of partner do I want to be — and what kind of partner do I want to be with?

• What needs to shift in me before we could truly begin again?

• What does a peaceful, healthy future look like — and what steps can we take toward that now?

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Next Steps:
If you're unsure whether couples therapy is the right next step, or if one of you is more ready than the other, individual work can be a wise and supportive starting place. Meeting with a therapist — either before or alongside couples therapy — helps build emotional awareness, clarify your role in the relationship dynamic, and lay a stronger foundation for growth together.

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I often work with individuals in this stage, or can help refer you to another trusted clinician. You might also find this brief article helpful: How to Get the Most From Couples Therapy by The Couples Institute — a thoughtful guide on what sets successful couples work apart.

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Taking these steps now can make a meaningful difference in the effectiveness — and long-term success — of the work you do together.

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Wherever you find yourselves — ready to begin, working on communication, healing after a betrayal, starting a family, or simply curious what it’s like to be married to a couples therapist — explore the paths below to find what fits your relationship best.

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Ready for your relationshipʻs next, best chapter? Letʻs begin... Schedule HERE

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