an honest look
Are We Ready?
A guide for couples considering therapy.
before you begin
What readiness looks like
Couples therapy works best when both partners can show up with a basic foundation of safety, honesty, and individual stability. Not perfection, just a starting point that makes the work possible.
Some things are better worked through individually first. If you answer yes to any of the questions below, individual support may be the better place to begin.
1. Is there any physical or emotional abuse in the relationship?
2. Is there concern about how substances are being used or relied upon?
5. If you are joining by telehealth, would you need to call in from two separate places rather than the same room?
Couples work asks both partners to be physically together, in my office or on a shared screen. Conjoint therapy, where both of you are in the same session, is the most widely recommended format: it works on the relationship directly, allows real-time dialogue, and lets me see how each of you actually shows up with the other.
If any of these resonate, hope is not lost. It means the groundwork comes first. Individual therapy can build the safety, honesty, and stability that make couples work possible.
If none apply, couples therapy can be a genuinely transformative space, whether you are rebuilding trust, reconnecting, or simply learning to understand each other more clearly. You don't need to be equally ready to begin. The more each of you can take some responsibility for your own part, the faster you will build the ability to communicate and repair.
You may also find How to Get the Most From Couples Therapy by The Couples Institute helpful.
Wherever you find yourselves, whether you are ready to begin, working on communication, healing after a betrayal, or starting a family, there is a place to start.